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I have officially decided that I don't want Jesus to be a part of my life.
I don't want Jesus to be a big part of my life. And, I don't want Jesus to be a small part of my life. I want Jesus to BE my life.
I wish I could stand here right now and tell you, "Jesus is my life", but I cannot, because that would be lying.
If I tell you the truth, Jesus is just part of my life. I don't want it to be that way, but that's how it is right now. I would change myself if I could, but I cannot. I am just an ordinary human being, so I cannot change anyone's heart. Well, my heart for this matter. I need God to soften my heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." I am asking God to soften my heart so HE can be my life.
If I do anything besides for God, I am doing it for myself.
Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I want this verse to be my life story. When I die, I want people to say, "Kaela was a young woman who sought God first. She followed what HE lead her to do". All I need to do is seek God first (follow Him), and HE will lead me. It sounds simple, but it is really hard.
For me, seeking God is hard because I am not good at discipline.
Getting up earlier each morning so I can spend time with God is hard for me, because I just want to sleep. Asking a stranger how I can pray for them is hard, because I just want to do what is on my agenda. Serving my family is hard, because they don't always serve me back. Letting someone else lead is hard, because then that means that I don't get to lead. All of these are very selfish wants. I need God to discipline me so I can change these habitual wants. The reason these are hard, is because in my heart, I'm not doing them for God. I'm doing them for my own self. But I want to do them for HIM.
Reading my Bible and praying should be something I do out of my love for Jesus, and a desire to grow closer to Him, not just so I can check it off the list. Asking someone how I can pray for them should be motivated by love for the gospel, not so I can feel good about myself. Serving my family should be done because I love them. If I am truly serving them, I won't expect anything in return. Jesus served people because He loved them. He even served the men He knew would betray and kill Him. Letting other people in my life lead me is good for me, because then I have opportunity to grow in humility. Really, I don't know the "right" way to lead. I only know how I want to be lead.
I need to grow in humility and die to myself more and more. I need to "love with my life". I need God's discipline in these areas.
I wrote this post because I want to be honest with y'all.
My hope for our community of Christian Teen girls will be for us to be honest with each other, because when we are honest is when we grow closer together. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." I want to tell you some of my weaknesses, because that is when Jesus can strengthen me.
Would you ladies join me in this quest for humility, discipline, and love? If you are comfortable, please comment below the areas
where you struggle - Kaitlyn and I would love to support, hear from, and talk with y'all!